the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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