Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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