I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
