So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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