dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
