Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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