New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
