soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
