somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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