Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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