I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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