ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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