It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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