I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
