All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
