his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
