We won't sleep together?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
