His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
