I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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