I want to walk on stilts...naked
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
