Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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