I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
