Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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