he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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