Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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