Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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