she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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