**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
