i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
