U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
