quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
