Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
