I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
