I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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