Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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