You smell like a Billy Joel song
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
