i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
