I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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