Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
