it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
