"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
