I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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