i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
