I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
