thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
