Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize