Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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