I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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