Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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