can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
