cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
