How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Holy shit dude........stairs
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize