Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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