I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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