I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
