Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
