Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Did I show you my penis last night?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
