Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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