There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
