i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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