i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
