I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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