Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
