Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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