She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
