I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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