My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
