So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
