Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
