On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
