i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
