dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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