I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize