Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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