Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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