My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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