I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
