i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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