well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
