hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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