I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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