He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
