Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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