you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
