those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
