got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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