dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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