This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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