Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
