there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize