My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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