2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
