conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
