You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
