I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
