I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
