He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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