my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
