That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
