Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
