Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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