Dual....:-)
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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